McLaren's China apocalypse: double DNF and a "Sex God" that turned into a nightmare

What a start that was, folks! The Chinese GP kicked off with a bang: Lewis Hamilton absolutely carved through the field and shot off like he had a hidden jet in his rear wing. But while the Brit was flying low, a silent drama was unfolding in the McLaren pit lane. Anyone who saw the two McLarens parked up within the first few laps couldn't believe it: the Woking outfit, who arrived in China looking like the pacesetters, left town on the back of a tow truck. A double DNF. A rare sight for a team that had been on such an incredible upward trajectory.

So, what happened? I've been digging around in the garages, chatting with folks who were right in the eye of the storm: Lando Norris had a hydraulic issue with third gear right as he accelerated at the start. The gearbox just locked up, and the car turned into a golf cart. As for Oscar Piastri, the rookie sensation, he was the victim of that silly midfield touch: Yuki Tsunoda's AlphaTauri clipped the rear of the Aussie at Turn 6, sending both of them into the gravel. Party over for both sides of the garage. And this after the MCL39 had been hailed as a "Sex God" in the pre-race press build-up – a machine of desire and performance, enough to make any driver drool. Well, the Greek god turned into a god of retirement in China.

While McLaren Automotive launches its road-going toys elsewhere, the F1 division is left to stew over a weekend to forget. The impact on the championship is brutal. Just take a look at what that double zero cost the team:

• Norris loses the championship lead to Verstappen, who finished second.
• Piastri misses his chance to close in on the championship leaders.
• In the constructors' championship, McLaren drops to third, behind Red Bull and Ferrari.
• The financial hit: they've missed out on at least 30 points – and points are pure gold at the end of the year.

The curious thing is, behind the scenes, McLaren engineers were already spending late nights in Shanghai exploring questions that sound more like a spiritual treatise. "Between spirituality and sexuality," joked one mechanic, referring to the title of a book one of the team bosses was reading. Yeah, well, maybe they do need some deeper reflection to figure out how a car so desired can break down so badly. But that's one for the philosophers. On the tarmac, what matters is that China was a cold shower for the orange dream.

Now it's time to lift their heads, figure out what failed in Norris's gearbox, and sort out the setup for the next GP. One thing's for sure: McLaren will be back with blood in their eyes. And like any self-respecting "Sex God", redemption could be just around the next corner – or in the next retirement. In sport, you never know, but the passion remains.