McLaren's Chinese Apocalypse: Double Retirement and a "Sex God" Turned Nightmare

What a start that was, mate! The Chinese GP kicked off with a rocket: Lewis Hamilton simply swallowed the field and shot off as if he had a hidden jet in his rear wing. But while the Englishman flew low, a silent drama unfolded in the McLaren pit-lane. Anyone who saw both McLarens parked up in the very first laps couldn't believe it: the Woking team, which arrived in China looking like the sheriff, left town on a tow truck. A double retirement. A rare sight for a team that was on such an incredible upward trend.

What happened? I looked into it in the garages, chatting with folks right in the eye of the storm: Lando Norris had a hydraulic issue with the third gear right as he accelerated at the start. The gearbox simply locked up, and the car turned into a golf cart. As for Oscar Piastri, the sensational rookie, he was a victim of that silly touch in the midfield: Yuki Tsunoda's AlphaTauri clipped the Australian's rear at turn 6, sending both into the gravel. Party over for both sides of the garage. And mind you, the MCL39 had been hailed as a "Sex God" in the press previews – a machine of desire and performance, capable of making any driver drool. Well, the Greek god turned into a god of retirement in China.

While McLaren Automotive launches its road toys out there, the F1 division is enduring a weekend to forget. The impact of this on the championship is brutal. Just look at what that double zero cost the team:

• Norris loses the championship lead to Verstappen, who finished second.
• Piastri wastes the chance to close in on the championship frontrunners.
• In the constructors' championship, McLaren drops to third, behind Red Bull and Ferrari.
• The financial hit: they miss out on banking at least 30 points – and points are pure gold at the end of the year.

The curious part is that, behind the scenes, McLaren engineers were already, in the late nights in Shanghai, exploring questions that seem more like a spiritual treatise: "Between spirituality and sexuality", joked a mechanic, referring to the title of a book one of the team bosses was reading. Well, maybe they do need some deeper reflection to understand how a car so desired could break down so ugly. But that's for philosophy. On the tarmac, what matters is that China was a cold shower of reality on the orange dream.

Now it's time to keep their heads up, figure out what failed in Norris's gearbox, and sort out the setup for the next GP. One thing is certain: McLaren will come back with blood in their eyes. And, like any good self-respecting "Sex God," redemption could come at the next corner – or with the next retirement. In sports, you never know, but the passion continues.