McLaren's Chinese meltdown: Double DNF and a "Sex God" that turned into a nightmare

What a start that was, folks! The Chinese GP kicked off with a bang: Lewis Hamilton simply sliced through the pack and bolted as if he had a secret jet in his rear wing. But while the Brit was flying low, a silent drama was unfolding back in the McLaren pit lane. Anyone who saw the two McLarens pull over within the first few laps couldn't believe it: the Woking squad, who arrived in China looking like the team to beat, left being towed away. A double DNF. A rare sight for a team that had been on such a phenomenal upward trajectory.

So, what happened? I've been digging around in the garages, chatting with people who were right in the eye of the storm: Lando Norris had a hydraulic issue with third gear while accelerating at the start. The gearbox just locked up, turning his car into a golf cart. As for Oscar Piastri, the sensational rookie, he fell victim to a silly tap in the midfield pack: Yuki Tsunoda's AlphaTauri clipped the rear of the Australian's car at Turn 6, sending them both into the gravel. Game over for both sides of the garage. And this after the MCL39 had been hailed as a "Sex God" in the pre-race press – a machine of desire and performance, enough to make any driver drool. Well, the Greek god turned into a god of retirement in China.

While McLaren Automotive launches its road toys elsewhere, the F1 division is left to digest a weekend to forget. The impact on the championship is brutal. Just take a look at what that double zero cost the team:

• Norris loses the championship lead to Verstappen, who finished second.
• Piastri misses a golden chance to close in on the championship frontrunners.
• In the constructors' championship, McLaren drops to third, behind Red Bull and Ferrari.
• The financial hit: at least 30 potential points down the drain – and points are pure gold come the end of the year.

The curious thing is, behind the scenes, McLaren engineers were already burning the midnight oil in Shanghai, pondering questions that seem more like a spiritual treatise: "Between Spirituality and Sexuality", joked one mechanic, referring to the title of a book one of the team bosses was reading. Well, maybe they do need some deeper reflection to figure out how a car so desired could break down so badly. But that's one for the philosophers. On the tarmac, the bottom line is that China was a cold shower for the orange dream.

Now it's time to pick themselves up, figure out what failed in Norris's gearbox and sort the setup for the next GP. One thing's for sure: McLaren will be back with fire in their belly. And, like any self-respecting "Sex God", redemption could be just around the next corner – or in the next retirement. In sport, you never know, but the passion continues.